“The Mightiest assemble!”
by Ryoken1
Summary: Brand new story set in Red Witch's "Misfits" universe story! Captain America is recruited by Nick Fury to lead the "Avengers" project! But if you though the X-men and Misfits were hard to deal with...you havent meet these Avengers!
1. Teenagers of mass destruction

X-men: Evolution: "The Mightiest assemble!" An original fan fiction based on the Misfits Universe (Thanks for Red Witch for letting me use her universe, if you haven't checked her stuff…well, you wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't already!)

Legal Notice: I don't own X-men Evolution (if I did, it would be on the air right now), or GI-Joe, or "Avengers", and I don't own the Misfit's Universe series of fan fiction work either. Once again, thanks to Red Witch for allowing me to use her wonderful universe…this time to pay tribute to earth's (and comic's)mightiest heroes.

Chapter One: "Teenagers of Mass Destruction"

Somewhere, buried alive under tons of steel, shunned from the outside world, "He" awaits.

This was one of his main attributes, as his unique nature had granted him no need to worry about time…he knew time didn't mattered, as it was like him, only numbers and calculations.

For now…if his plan worked (and he knew it would work, as it was perfect, like him) he would be truly free…and then it would all end. The war, the pain, and the conflict would end.

He didn't realize it, but for the first time since his birth, he was actually experimenting something similar to an emotion.

He was actually beginning to feel excited by the notion of true freedom…for that freedom would make him finally able to carry his purpose, his reason of existence.

He had no eyes or brain, but he shunned his senses, and began to form the possibilities…

"Soon…"-He pondered.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&6

S.H.I.E.L.D Weapon Development and Research Center. (Codenamed: "Ultima Base")

Both men walked trough the chromed halls, completely undisturbed by the scientific and military personnel, all of them making way for them to pass.

This wasn't because both men were veterans, or high ranking officers.

In the case of Nicholas "Nick" Fury, he simply was the "Boss", the commandeer of SHIELD itself, and easily one of the most powerful and influential men on the planet.

He also was a living legend, having fought on practically every conflict in the modern era. However, on this aspect he was surpassed by the man next to him.

Steve Rogers, also know as Captain America, the first, and sadly last, super soldier from the "Operation Rebirth", a scientific experiment that had transformed him into the greatest soldier and field operative in history. After decades of cryogenic sleep, he had been cured and revived by a trio of teenage mutant girls, which wasn't the first of his shocks.

For starters, he still felt shocked by the changes in television programming, and after missing on half a century of fashion advancements, he had to take a quick course on casual clothing.

On the plus side, being a super soldier and devoted patriot was exactly what the current times needed.

"Well, Fury, what is so important that required moving me from active duty in Afghanistan for?"- Captain America (since he was in uniform at the moment) asked, his trusty indestructible shield strapped on his back.

"Well, Captain, after the escalation of terrorist treats and the mutant-human conflict, I was…urged, if you can phrase it that way, by the UN's security council to create a way to combat these growing threats worldwide…so, I decided to establish the "Avengers" project"-Nick Fury replied, as he lighted a cigar.

"The "Avengers" project?"- Captain America asked, intrigued.

"Well, neither the UN nor NATO feels too cozy about the only "official" super powered military unit to be in GI-Joe's hands…you know whom I'm talking about"-Fury said, as he took a deep breath.

"Oh yes, the "Misfits"…I have…meet them before"-Captain America replied, measuring the words.

"Yeah, Intelligence says some members of that unit played a key role in your revival, right?"-Fury asked.

"Indeed…my military therapist also says they played a key role in other things…"-Captain America said, trying hard not to remember the chirpy voices and giggling.

"Bad wake up call?"-Fury smirked.

"You have no idea…back to this "Avengers" project; I naturally assume you want me in it?"-Captain America asked, as both men reached a heavily guarded and quite armored giant door, which had a stylish "A" on it.

"Actually, I don't want you, I NEED you in it! These freaks need a leader!"-Fury vented as the guards saluted and several doors slowly opened.

"Fury, I believe "freaks" isn't a nice term to refer to super powered mutants…."-Captain America replied, as a red light scanned them, and the final door opened.

"Captain, there's not a single mutant on the team, for political reasons…and these "freaks" truly have earned that term on their own…as you can see"-Fury replied as the last door opened, revealing a huge hollow room, which not only had several buildings, diverse vehicles and armament around, but also seemed as large as the military complex above it, as it was underground.

However, the majestic nature of all this was rather wear down by the fact that there was a several stories tall, humanoid looking armored being, which seemed to be juggling several tanks in its hands.

With a flash and a sonic thundering, a feminine figure flew by and snatched one of the tanks with her bare hands, and threw it towards the ground…straight towards a hooded teen in a dark purple uniform, who remained still until the last second, only to pull out a bow and fire several strange arrows from it, which exploded on impact, reducing he than to a small rain of scrapped metal.

"Missed me, "Warbroad"!"-The bow carrying teen yelled, as the flying feminine figure, which now hovered above him, revealing a blonde teen girl in gothic make up and dark battle uniform…who proceeded to give him a rather crude hand sign.

"Bite me, Clint! And it's "Warbird", "Hawkass!"-The girl yelled, as she flew away…tearing through four buildings.

"It's "Hawkeye"!"-The young man yelled, only to be pounced by a brown blur and have his arrow filled backpack stolen from him by…some sort of feline girl, covered in dark orange fur and with a head full of brown hair.

"Got your trick arrows, Clint!"-The feline girl squealed in delight, a s she ran away on all fours, jumping and swinging through the buildings with feline agility and grace, while the robbed teen chased her.

"Greer! You give me those back now!"-the young man yelled as he gave chase.

"Nyah! I don't wanna! And it's "Tigra"!"-The cat girl yelled back as she jumped from a ledge, both teens getting lost in the distance.

Both adults stared in shock…even as the giant armored figure lost timing and a tank fell right behind them, with a loud crash.

"Sorry, Commander Fury! Seems my "Ant-man" armor needs to be improved a bit!"- The metal titan said in a teenage voice, as it removed its helmet, revealing a blonde, apologetic teen male.

"Fury, what the hell is going on here?"-Captain America asked as he turned towards Fury….only to find that there was an inches tall girl with red insect wings and wearing a stylish version of female combat armor, just hovering between the two men.

"This? Oh this ensemble of hormone crazed, super powered teenager military unit, which I'm rather forced to be in, all thanks to my IDIOTIC FIANCEE!..."-The small winged girl yelled the last words as she glared at the gigantic male teen, who looked rather scared, despite his size-"Is the "Avengers" project…I'm Janet Van Dyne, by the way. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have to yell at my fiancée now"-the girl said as it was the most casual thing, and flew again, chasing the towering teenager, who seemed to actually be trying to get away.

"Why does all the super powered being in earth have to be teenagers? I just want a logical reason for it!"-Fury moaned…as he was then cut short by something that crashed through the ceiling, fell on a fuel depot and created a huge explosion of fire.

"What the hell was that? An enemy missile?"-Captain America asked, as he reached for his shield.

"Nah…even worse"-Fury said as he took out a flask from one of his pockets and took a long sip…just as two figures emerged from the blazing inferno, which several military fire trucks and personnel were putting out already.

One was a red and grey armor, who opened up the front of its helmet to reveal a black haired male in his late teens; with a stylish goatee…he looked slightly inebriated.

The other figure looked just as young as the boy next to him, but was just impossible…it looked to be a teenager, but its size and musculature couldn't possible belongs to a teen---or a human. He had long, flowing blonde hair, tied in a ponytail, and was wearing some sort of combination between ancient Nordic armor and modern combat armor, the combination reaching the bizarre as he carried a huge, threatening and rather ancient looking hammer.

He was even more inebriated than his friend, which was rather incredible feast.

"Commander Fury! Sorry about that fuel deposit but it seems Mojoni..Moonol…whats the hammer called, again, Thor?"-The armor wearing teenager asked.

"Mjolnir…forged in the grand foundry of Asgard, and given to Thor as a farewell gift from Odin the Allfather, who happens to be my dad, and who kicked me out of the house, event though all that "almost triggered" Raganarok mess was Loki's fault in the first place"-Thor said as he raised his hammer with ease…despite its size, it looked like it weighted tons.

"Mojolnir, whatever, the case is that the tachyon fields generated when Thor uses the hammer's magic to teleport wrecks my "Iron-man" armor's navigation system, so we kinda crashed into each other and landed on the fuel deposit…No biggie"-The dark haired teen said as he removed his helmet.

"No Biggie…you morons went out of the complex without permission, destroyed a whole fuel deposit and the ceiling and above floors of the base, and you dare say no biggie? What logical reason can there be for such acts, Anthony Edward Stark?"-Fury screamed.

"First, I'm just Tony Stark, Sir, and second, I believe attending Oktoberfest in Munich is a rather good reason…"-Tony Stark stated.

"Thor saw more naked girls than the time he and Loki sneaked into the hall of the Valkyries back in Asgard!"-Thor added.

"Oh, sweet mother of…I'm gonna have a few calls about this, I know it!"-Fury moaned, as both teens walked away, laughing.

"Fury, you are not telling me these…kids…are the "Avengers" project you want me to lead and train?"-Captain America asked.

"Well, yeah…its either that or classify them all as WMD's and lock them in here until the end of time…which thanks to that stupid hammer isn't even an option anymore"-Fury said, as he walked away.

Captain America stood there, silently, as he looked at the chaos and ruin around him…

"Why I have the feeling Logan would laugh at me right now?"-he moaned.

Chapter One End

**Next Chapter: Its introduction time, as Captain ****America**** summons the first "Avengers" assembly, and get to know, rather more then he was prepared to, Iron Man, Hawkeye, Thor, Tigra, Warbird, Ant-Man and Wasp.**

**Then it's the first training missions and the first real mission for the team, as Cobra's latest heist uncovers the most dangerous weapon on existence…project U.L.T.R.O.N! **


	2. Avengers ASSemble

X-men: Evolution: "The Mightiest assemble!" An original fan fiction based on the Misfits Universe (Thanks for Red Witch for letting me use her universe, if you haven't checked her stuff…well, you wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't already!)

Legal Notice: I don't own X-men Evolution (if I did, it would be on the air right now), or GI-Joe, or "Avengers", and I don't own the Misfit's Universe series of fan fiction work either. Once again, thanks to Red Witch for allowing me to use her wonderful universe…this time to pay tribute to earth's (and comic's)mightiest heroes.

Chapter Two: "Avengers ASS-emble…!"

S.H.I.E.L.D´s Ultima base…sometime around 11 AM

Steve Rogers couldn't remember the last time he actually cried, or even was on the verge of tears, since witnessing both war and the horrors of mankind's greed and hate did that to men like him.

However, the part of him that was a soldier felt like it was about to burst in tears, since he now had officially been sat all alone in the private dining hall of the base which was reserved to everyone in the "Avengers" project, all by himself…and for almost three whole hours.

"I sent them a Memo, an email, and I even announced it on the PA system... "First Avengers assembly during breakfast at 8:00"…then why I am all alone here?"-The man who was Captain America wondered aloud.

"Well, I do believe Master Stark and his…colleagues, like most young people these days, have this despicable habit of promptly and effectively disobey anything that seems like an order, my dear Captain."-A quite bald man dressed in a butler's traditional clothing replied, as he filled Captain America's cup of coffee for the tenth time. He spoke with a dry and slightly acidic British tone of voice.

"Well, Jarvis, I expected something like this from most of them but Tony Stark…his file says he's been in the top five private British schools!"-Captain America replied, as he looked at the portable screen in his hand, where he had upload all the data and personal records regarding each of the members of the Avengers project.

"My dear Captain, while my role as Master's Stark's right hand man and first confident urges me not to point my humble personal views on the matter we are discussing, I believe the actual reason for him being in each of those five top notch schools is that he was subsequently expelled from each one, until no respectable school would take him, no matter his status, either financial or social. Especially after that rather nasty incident over that pop singing tart with one of the heirs to the throne…The press did have a jolly good time with that one; I mean it was a fistfight that evolved into a knicker pulling contest…right in front of most noblemen and VIP's...it was graduation, after all…although if you ask me, several people seemed to overly enjoy it"-Jarvis replied, with a smirking look.

"Yeah, yeah, why don't you tell him when I nearly blew half of MIT's research wing, you British creep? Why do I have a butler for, anyway?"-Anthony "Tony" Stark asked as he walked (actually, he was performing the hangover equivalent of walking, which is walking too, only more painful and distasteful to look at and experience firsthand).

"Well, something has to clean the messes you tend to make, young Master…either on society OR topography"-Jarvis replied, as he helped Tony to a chair, and served him what seemed to be his personal mug for coffee (Which was unlike anyone else's, as it seemed to be custom made…with maximum holding capacity as the main required feature).

"No one was using that hill anyway, you Monty Python reject!"-Tony snapped back as he jumped up, only to be placed back on his chair by Jarvis with a single finger.

Captain America stared at the bizarre word exchange, which seemed like the perfect metaphor for explaining the relationship between Tony and Jarvis…a classic "orphaned youth/parental figure" type of relationship, but with the open trust (meaning, foul language) and respect (meaning, "a love/hate relationship") any therapist or sociologist would have a field trip with.

Choosing to ignore them, he checked his portable screen for all available information on Tony, as his plan was to check the files on each of the kids at the same time he meet and got to know them better.

A complete orphan at an early age, Tony Stark was easily one of the smartest human beings in history…his scientific and financial knowledge allowed him to expand his family's business into the biggest mega-corporation in the world…and he was fifteen by the time.

However, Tony suffered from a weak heart condition, which medical doctors had established would probably kill him before he turned thirty…but this only encouraged Tony, as he built the "Iron-Man" suit to empower his weak heart with the strength nature had denied him.

That was just the important stuff, Tony had been the first teen to reach the top of Mt Everest, and he pretty much was the sole contractor of the US military…and the main contractor with several other countries, as his technology had pretty much stopped interest in atomic and hydrogen weapons…Tony had actually stopped most wars from happening by manipulating each country's access to weaponry, tricking countries into an armament race, where he was the only winner.

He also was the world's most eligible bachelor, the world's biggest philanthropist, and any other "world's biggest whatever" you could think off. However, the lack of real parent figures, a live fast and die young attitude towards life and an excelling genius made him something of an egomaniac, but in a good way. That is, he only competed with himself in seeing "who's better?"

In few words, if James Dean, Bill Gates and Donald Trump had a child (Authors Note: I'm deeply sorry for any mental images readers may get from that phrase) Tony would be more dashing, smarter and richer than him by a longshot.

"Well, Tony, I'm quite please to have someone like you on the "Avengers" project…but I believe you weren't recruited by S.H.I.E.LD, but you actually volunteered…why?"-Captain American asked, looking at the hangover teen.

"Well, frankly, I got bored with corporate and scientific stuff…not completely, just, not enough interest in my part to make them a full time priority…and looking at the stuff going on with the mutant conflict, The X-men, Cobra and GI-Joe…well, I liked the idea to play hero and do something good for mankind, you know?. Plus, being a superhero would pretty much raise my scoring potential to infinity"-Tony smirked.

"I agree with the young Master, although I have a different view on this whole thing…is rather some kind of Community Service the young master was entitled to do, in a karmic sense of things"-Jarvis added, as he served Tony breakfast.

"Why did my father kept you around for, Jarvis? I mean, besides tormenting me with stale sarcastic witticisms"-Tony moaned.

"Well, someone has to clean the messes you make, "Iron-Jerk""-Clint Barton said as he sat on the other side of the table…which was a rather good thing, as he was only wearing boxers. He had several piercings on his ears, and his hair was rather spiky.

"I'm not going to lower to your level and play these insult games you use as a replacement for actual social interaction…"Hawk-ass"-Tony replied.

"Very funny, rich boy…shouldn't you be doing corporate scams or something like that?"-Clint replied as he took out a can of nutrient drink and sipped on it.

"Clint, may I remind you that the first objective of having breakfast as a team, or what has gathered so far of it, it's to get to know each other better?"-Captain America said.

"Oh, shut up, Soldier Boy! Who made you the boss of me anyway…oh yeah, "The Man", well, the man can kiss my…"-Clint started to rave on, whit several explicit words and rather controversial opinions…he seemed completely unaware to the fact that no one was listening to him.

"I think it's a good time to check Hawkeye's file…"-Captain America though, as he looked at his portable screen.

An orphan, although during his early teens, Clint Barton was born and raised in the odd world of traveling carnivals, and immediately found he had a gifted and unparalleled aim, specially when it came to bows. However, his upbringing had made him an ambitious and selfish teenager, and soon abandoned the carnival scene in seek of a sense of adventure and thrill.

Which he found in high stakes thievery…in fact, Clint Barton had been on Interpol's wanted list for years, specially after the series of fine art robberies he performed across Europe, even though he always returned what he stole a few days later to the authorities…to many a curator relief.

In fact it had taken a joint operation between Interpol, S.H.I.E.L.D, the FBI and the C.I.A to actually capture him, as Clint tried to steal the Academy Award for best picture…during the actual ceremony, which, needless to say, was quite memorable, as few Hollywood stars would ever forget seeing a teen with a bow and arrows take down wave after wave of security agents.

Clint Barton was taken by S.H.I.E.L.D and relocated to the "Avengers" project as a chance to put his talents to something productive…unfortunately, his personal anarchic view on the world and his utter hate of authority figures made him a wildcard, even though he was the best field agent a man could use in a thick situation.

"Besides, everyone knows its corporations who elect the president, not the people! Its conspiracies, everywhere around us! Always messing with the little guy"-Clint proceeded on his speech, still unaware of the fact that not a single person was listening to him.

"Clint, if you would please stay quiet for a second…"-Captain America moaned, rubbing his temples, as he felt a headache coming.

"No way am I going to shut up just because YOU said so! You may be the boss of this little government's puppet squad, but you aren't the boss of me! I'm a free man, I'm independent, I'm…"-Clint raved on.

"…about to have my face covered in cereal?"-Tony interrupted him.

"What?"-Clint managed to say, when something grabbed the back of his head and pushed it forward, right in his cereal bowl.

Captain America jolted up, getting a better look at Clint's aggressor. It was blonde girl dressed in clothing that seemed like military combat armor designed by a Goth fetishist. It seemed to glow with aggressiveness and fury, just like the girl herself.

"Err, Carol, I think Clint's drowning?"-Tony said. This caused the blonde girl to pull Clint's face from the bowl, and walked away like she hadn't done anything wrong.

"You psychotic skank! You nearly killed me!"-Clint screamed, just as he made a swift motion, pulling out a bow and arrow out of nowhere and shoot at Carol, who just about to sit down.

"Clint, that's an explosive arrow!"-Captain America yelled, but it was too late…

However, the arrow was grabbed in one blurring hand motion by Carol, who then crunched the arrow head in her fist…it exploded with a small sound a and a puff of smoke.

"You are getting better…a couple milliseconds and it would have actually hit me"-Carol said, as she threw the remains of the arrow over her shoulder, and served herself some fruit from a nearby plate.

As things strangely returned to normal, Captain America decided to check his personal screen again…

Carol Danvers…daughter to a high ranking army general, she had lived all her life in secret military bases across the country, making her a lonely and secluded teenager with rage and anger to spare.

This situation didn't improve when she was accidentally exposed to an experimental chemical compound her father's research team was working on…turning her into a living Weapon of Mass Destruction…not only did she had the ability to fly and move at high speeds, but she was inhumanly strong and endured most weapon fire with ease. She was able to lift a tank with one hand and tear it apart like paper. She also had enhanced reflexes, intellect and superb combat skills

Carol spent the last eight months of her life locked in a facility, forced to testing and experimented upon to discover how she had gained her abilities…with no positive results whatsoever. On the negative side, Carol had become a brooding, aggressive young woman whose loner tendencies and aggression probe behavior made her a perfect weapon and a perfect nightmare…hence the military had classified her as "Warbird".

Oddly enough, she was strictly vegan and loved animals, plants and small children….she pretty much hated everything else.

"Carol…is something wrong?"-Captain America asked.

"You asking me because you actually care, or to update my psychological records?"-Carol retorted, as she munched in a much un-lady like fashion on some celery.

"I do care, Carol…despite what SOME people think, I'm not just your field leader and figure in command, but also your guardian…"-Captain America replied, as he gave Clint a look.

"So…that makes you our dad/mom or something like that?"-Carol cynically replied.

"I suppose so…AGHHH!"-Captain America yelled as he was tackled by a dark orange blur…once he managed to get up, he found a girl covered in dark orange short fur, with reddish brown hair and glowing yellow eyes…but the cat like ears that popped from the top of her head and her twitching furry tail were the strangest thing about her. She was wearing boxer shorts and a sports top.

"Yay, Cap is our mommy/daddy now!"-the girl squealed in delight as she lifted Captain America as if he didn't weight at all, and gave him a crushing bear hug.

"Greer…can't breathe!"-Captain America barely managed to say, as he turned a shade of blue.

"Keep hugging him, if he turns red and white, he wont be needing an uniform anymore"-Carol said, munching on her food without any concern about the situation.

"Eek! Sorry Cap!"-Greer said as she released him from the bear hug, then jumped backwards making several spins in midair, finally landing perfectly on the seats next to Cap's, in front of which were several fishes laid on a plate.

"Air…good, harmless air….GACKTH"-Captain America was interrupted in the middle of speaking by what looked to be a breathing spam of some sort, which ended when he promptly grabbed a nearby trashcan and stuck his head inside it, several disgusting noises reverberating through the whole room.

"Hair...in windpipe…bad case of sore throat, need water!"-Captain America panted as he gulped down a big jug of water in one sitting.

"Sorry Cap, I forgot to tell I'm shedding today…"-The cat like girl sheepishly said, shuffling her feet around in embarrassment.

"Its okay, Greer, I'll just need to brush my teeth a few times…and drink a few shots of whiskey"-Captain America added under his breath, as he once again checked his personal screen.

Tigra…the poor cat like girl had been found by Captain America himself in a secret Cobra laboratory deep in the Amazon, encountering the girl in an stasis tank, with no memory of who she was or used to be. As far as S.H.I.E.L.D was able to investigate, she wasn't exactly human or mutant, but some strange hybrid between the two. Tigra was gifted with enhanced senses, agility, endurance and strength, along with perfect vision in total darkness, while her physical appearance could have been a side effect from experimentation…fur, tail, claws, fanged teeth and her glowing yellow eyes made her status as something more than human evident, therefore, she had been give the fake name of Greer Grant Nelson for protection and legal purposes, but she considered Tigra her real name.

Whoever, the real problem with Tigra was that years, perhaps a lifetime away from human contact had left her in a child like state of mind, despite her age being somewhere in her middle teens. Tigra was easily amused and always curious, along with a naïve nature that made her somewhat unreliable in the field, but her natural hunting and survival instincts made up for this most of the time…except when she was in sugar rushes or caffeine OD's, as for some reason, Tigra was extremely affected by sugar or caffeine overdoes, making her a real threat to everyone's sanity in those occasions…in fact, after a rather…traumatic series of events, pixy sticks had been banned from the whole base.

Although Captain America hated to admit it, Tigra was by far the most stable member of the team.

"It's Tigra, Cap…Greer's not who I am!"-Tigra pouted as she devoured a whole fish in one bite.

"Speaking of Tigra, Cap, could you convince her to wear that stupid flea collar Fury got for her? I swear, she slept on the couch in the recreation room last night, and she left bloodsucking buggers everywhere!"-Clint complained.

"I second him on this…either that, or force her to take a flea bath!"-Carol added.

"NOOOOOOO! No bath or collar! Tigra don't like!"-Tigra screamed in terror as she jumped from her chair and made a dive for the door seeking an escape route.

However, her escape route was blocked by the biggest teenage boy Captain America had ever seen…he had memories of training with several soldiers and martial artists back in his glory days, but none of them had the impact of this boy's physical presence…by all logical means, he should had been completely shapeless and grotesque, but he just looked perfectly proportioned, despite the huge amount of muscles in his whole body.

Then was the point of the hammer…it looked like it weighted tons, despite being the size of an ancient battle axe, and it looked both ancient and sparkly new at the same time…and the boy carried it in one hand, as if it weighted nothing.

"Thor! Lemme down, you big oaf!"-Tigra whined as the smiling boy picked her up with one hand and threw her over his shoulder.

"Come on, fair feline maiden, its time for our morning feast! Surely thou were not going to deprive us all of thy company in such glorious ritual!"-Thor said in a powerful, joyful voice, oblivious to the fact that Tigra was biting him on the shoulder and pulling his blonde ponytail at the time.

"Thor, Buddy! About time you got up!"-Tony exclaimed as he made a toast.

"Come on, verily it wasn't as if we drank and feasted that much last night!"-Thor replied as he sat next to Tony, and forced Tigra to sit next to him…which she reluctantly did, making a pouting face.

"Thor, you and Tony crashed an Oktoberfest celebration in Munich, ignited seven bar fights and destroyed three bars, and I'm not even going to go in details of what happened after you actually BOUGHT an entire beer brewery and drank it to the ground in just one night! Germany is experiencing the first day in its history in which beer isn't a commodity!"-Captain America snapped.

"Ahh that was good ale…specially the one inside those metal contraptions"-Thor said, with a dreamy look.

"Yeah, but there weren't enough hot girls…you know Thor, if you and your dad ever get back in good terms, I would love to meet some Valkyries…"-Tony added, a dreamy look on his face too.

"Its official, this place is a frigging frat house…"-Carol moaned, while Captain America decided to check the information available on Thor again…as he had triple checked it last night and still was unsure what to believe.

The young boy who called him Thor was found in a field in Iceland several months ago, and promptly locked in a mental institution…for exactly a minute, as the place suddenly was engulfed by a storm and a lighting bolt destroyed the wall of the boy's room…a huge hammer found in the rubble, which was grabbed by the boy, who then escaped…by actually throwing the hammer and holding to it, disappearing in the horizon.

The boy then appeared in the war torn regions of the Baltic area, helping those in need…but S.H.I.E.L.D actually stepped in when Thor actually wiped a whole separatist army from the face of the earth in one stroke, enraged at their "ethnic" cleansing.

Accepting an offer by Fury to help all of mankind, Thor joined the program…on three conditions: First, he wasn't paid as the other members, his salary (which netted in the six figure numbers a day) was transferred to the international aid fund. Second, he would not allow any experimentation or research on himself or Mjolnir (his hammer). Lastly, if he ever grew dissatisfied with the program he would quit…no matter why.

Fury of course accepted his terms…after Thor actually managed to repel an attack by the Hulk on a small town in a battle that lasted for just fifteen minutes…Thor claimed he was the God of Thunder, temporally exiled (In other words, kicked out) of Asgard by Odin, due to a "god thing" (Actually, one of his usual fights with his half brother Loki almost triggered Ragnarok, and therefore, the end of all creation)…and that he had been exiled to Midgard (that is "Earth", think of it as a fancier named the gods prefer, as Earth isn't very attractive for immortal beings of supreme power).

Bottom line, Thor was one of the strongest beings on earth, possessed a battle hammer that had too many uses and abilities to mention, and he was the Asgardian equivalent of your average older teenager...Weapon of Mass Destruction isn't the exact term that came to mind here, as it was too small to fit him.

"Look, Thor…while I still have some personal doubts about your…claims…to godhood, I think you shouldn't act as if your status as a…Heavens help me, "god", allowed you to do as you please…this is Earth, and we have laws and rules…even unwritten rules, such as "You shouldn't fly with an ancient war hammer after drinking a whole brewery!"…"-Captain America said.

"I agree with you, Captain…surely the son of Odin cannot behave in such primitive and foul ways…perhaps I should drink just half a brewery next time?"-Thor replied, in a fair and honest voice…as he gulped a huge mug of dark beer as breakfast.

"That would be a nice start, Thor…now; I believe Janet and Hank are still missing?"-Captain America asked.

"Janet's still in the freaking bathroom, as always…I swear, one of these days, I'm gonna shove that mirror down her throat!"-Carol snapped, as she crushed the fork in her hand without noticing.

"I see…and Hank?"-Captain America asked when right on cue, the whole room, and base, trembled as if an earthquake had started…then everything went back to normal…if normal means the sound of a really strong slap echoing through the room.

"I guess he's out of the lab, by the feel of things"-Clint added; when the main doors slid open…revealing a brown haired girl in silk pajamas, who despite her beauty, had an extremely weird overall look…mainly because of the whole jar of skin cream that was on her hair, jar included.

Right behind her, a good looking blonde boy followed, but in his case, the good looks were ruined by the overall combination of lack of sleep, lack of recent showering, and the glowing, recent mark of a female hand in one cheek.

"Well, if it isn't America's sweethearts!...You know, I would never had guessed skin cream was the secret behind your perfect, ever-changing hair, Jan! "-Carol said in a darkly amused voice.

"Oh, shut up, you Hot-Topic poster child…My morning's enough of a drag already, so please spare me the "I'm an angry harlot who desperately needs attention" routine"-Jan replied as she used the towel in her hands to clean herself, then sat down and served herself a cup of mocha.

"Hand me the icepack, someone?...My cheek really hurts"-hank moaned as he dropped on a chair, and took a sip of a blackish cup of coffee.

"There you go, Buddy…I already had one ready"-Tony replied as he threw one at him.

"Thanks…by the way, I apologize for that mild tremor…I was testing the ceramic tiles for the Quinjet prototype"-Hank said as he pressed the icepack against his cheek, moaning in relief.

"Testing this, testing that…all you test is my patience, Hank Pym! Instead of those stupid tiles, you should be working on ways to reverse our condition!"-Jan exploded with rage.

"Jan, I've tried everything…its irreversible…"-Hank tried to say, only to be interrupted midway through.

"IRREVERSIBLE? You want to know about irreversible? Your medical condition is going to be irreversible if you don't find a way to change us, Hank Pym, because if you don't, I swear I will shove that big brain of yours down your…"-Jan's berating of Hank kept on, to the amusement of the rest of the table.

Except Captain America, who decided to check his screen for the last time.

Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne…The fathers from each one of them were senators, and the mothers were socialites, born and bred. Both families were actually neighbors since decades, and their parents were so close, they had actually arranged Hank and Janet to marry each other…a match made in heaven, according to the parents…if they had paid any attention to their children, they would have done some serious thinking about the whole deal.

First, neither Hank nor Janet were anything like their respective parents…Hank was a scientific genius with an introvert personality and a disdain for things teens his age though of as normal…while Janet was pretty much the definition of popularity, with an affinity for designing clothes and creating new fashion trends.

Second, Hank and Janet had practically grown together…and hated each other's guts since day one (day one was actually when they shared a maternity room…along with a birthday).

Third, their parents through Hank was at MIT, while Janet was on design school in Paris…the truth was that both Hank and Janet were in S.H.I.E.L.D's custody, after a mishap at Hank's secret laboratory in the Vail area…Fury had arranged a cover story for their parents.

As far as S.H.I.E.L.D knew, the story was like this: Hank used the excuse of a skiing trip with Jan to take some time and work on his research on a new kind of particles he had discovered, which he named "Pym particles"…he was on the bringe of a breakthrough when Jan, enraged at finding out he had used her as an excuse, broke into his laboratory…everything else was unclear, as the following explosion had leveled the whole resort and changed the topography of the area forever.

Whoever, hat wasn't the only thing that had changed, as both teens had been exposed to a massive amount of "Pym Particles" long with other substances, changing their genetic structures…Hank was now able to increase and decrease his size and the size of anything in contact with him at will, while Jan was able to decrease her size to a few inches, along with the ability to manifest not only two red insect like wings on her back, but also to generate "stings" of bioelectricity from her hands.

Their social lives ruined forever (Well, just Jan's, as Hank didn't have much of a social life), both teens had been drafted into the project, receiving the codenames of Ant-man and Wasp.

To Hank, it was as if a dream came true, while to Jan…well, it was total nightmare. And therefore, Hank's dream was a nightmare too. Mostly everyone in the psychiatrist wing in the base thought deep down, Hank and Jan liked each other…but several thick layers of hate, bickering and plain anger laid over those barely existing feelings.

"Okay, now that the whole nuthouse, I mean, the whole team is finally together, I wanted to hand you the final, and I do mean final, weekly timetable…Any complains about it will end in a reduction of the time assigned to "personal" hours"-Captain America said as he gave each of them a paper.

"Okay, I understand training is the top priority here, Captain, but I do have a multinational conglomerate to manage"-Tony immediately retorted.

Captain America braced himself immediately, as he knew what was about to happen…

"I second him on this, I mean; this will set all my projected experiments back a month!"-Hank moaned.

"Who cares about your stupid projects? This is so totally unfair, I mean, I will have to cancel all my morning shopping runs!"-Janet managed to give her statement an unnatural level of priority.

"While I support the good Captain, this plan doesn't take in consideration any…"recovery" I might need from nightly feasts and dances!"-Thor added.

"Tigra likes training, but this is too early! Tigra doesn't sleep much at night like you guys!"-Tigra pouted.

"Stop whining you wusses…none of you is actually seeing the REAL problem here!"-Carol snapped, effectively rendering everyone silent.

Captain America watched in horror as they all stared at Carol with puzzled looks.

"Hello? An hour a day of psychiatric therapy sessions? That's just plain wrong!"-Carol said.

"I second that…in Warbird's case; it should be three times that!"-Clint said out loud, making every youngster burst out laughing.

"That's it, you insensitive jackass, you are so dead!"-Carol exploded in rage as she lifted the huge steel table with one hand and began to chase Clint around, while utter chaos began to form among the others.

"I don't care what Logan or the Joes say"-Captain America though as the dinner room became a war zone in seconds- "Their job has to be easier than this!"

Chapter Two end.

**Next: The first training sessions (both individual and as a team) further shatter Captain America's resolve on making heroes out of the kids, while Cobra gets their hands on Project U.L.T.R.O.N.**

**Plus, the introduction of the Avengers project "handler" officer…to know her is to fear her…literally! **

**Don't forget to comment on any future stuff you want to see, or which characters you want to see more of!**


	3. Training humanity’s last hope is dirty w...

X-men: Evolution: "The Mightiest assemble!" An original fan fiction based on the Misfits Universe (Thanks for Red Witch for letting me use her universe, if you haven't checked her stuff…well, you wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't already!)

Legal Notice: I don't own X-men Evolution (if I did, it would be on the air right now), or GI-Joe, or "Avengers", and I don't own the Misfit's Universe series of fan fiction work either. Once again, thanks to Red Witch for allowing me to use her wonderful universe…this time to pay tribute to earth's (and comic's)mightiest heroes.

Author's Note: Thanks to the people who noticed the "Sharon" problem at the end of last chapter (Yes, I got confused and forgot Warbird's name is Carol), and to everyone who has submitted reviews. Now, most people have asked when the Misfits and X-men will appear, so I guess I have to be honest here…the Avengers are on their own here, as this is their "origin" history…however, the epilogue will indeed feature both X-men and Misfits, just not in a expected way…that said, I mostly want to thank everyone for their support…and apologize for my slowness in updating…that said, lets get on the story…I've ranted way too long here.

Chapter Three: "Training humanity's last hope is dirty work"

United States Army Center for Research and Containment of Threats to Homeland Security (or Area 51, for short)

"General, I really don't see the point of this surprise inspection, if you would please explain in more detail…"-The commanding officer said, as the elevator continued to move downwards. Inside it, the aforementioned general and his escort squad (made of a female assistant and several soldiers wearing high tech full body uniforms and visor, along with varied weaponry) were making a good job of making the commanding officer and his small squad of GI's nervous.

"It's simply an unfortunate…protocol measure…after all, not only has this facility been breached once, but several subjects have escaped during these years"-The general replied. While there was nothing strange in him, his voice did sound somewhat…regal.

"I am well aware of those situations, but since those isolated incidents, we've doubled both our security budget and resources! Even tripled them when that…"thing" was brought in for storage months ago"-The commanding officer replied.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that, officer…but the Pentagon wouldn't agree…in fact, several figures back in D.C think it's a mistake to house such…powerful weapon in the same place that couldn't handle a bunch of mutant teenagers, nor a terrorist such as Mystique"-The general replied, as the elevator stopped, and both groups continued to walk through a long metal corridor.

"We have upgraded both our personnel and security system since then…not only is every single member of the base hand picked from the elite military units in the Army, but our cloaking shield and thermal weaponry, which is all made by an US contractor, Stark Enterprises, I believe, is only used in this base alone…combine that to the fact that the containment room for the weapon we are talking about only opens using a combination of a retinal scan in my part, and three different safe keycards, each in possession of three different figures in the chain of command…that's why I insisted that the trip down here was a waste of both our times, Sir. That door won't open with my retinal scan alone!"-The commanding officer replied, as they all reached a huge, closed door. There was a retinal scanner attached to it, along with three keycard shaped holes, besides that, the door was completely featureless, its only uncommon traits being the sheer massiveness and thickness of itself.

"Well, then I guess it was a good idea to bring these with me then"-The general replied, as he took out three keycards from his pocket.

"What the…were did you get those!"-the commanding officer yelled, when a simultaneous sound made him turn around…and he saw his men on the ground, unconscious, a tranquilizer dart on their backs.

"Freeze!"-the commanding officer yelled as he turned around, drawing his gun…only to feel the coldness of the injection gun the general's assistant held in her hands.

"You first-The raven haired woman said as she pulled the trigger…

The effect took place immediately, as the officer as actually frozen…the barely audible sound of his breathing the only clue hat he was actually alive and not a life like statue.

"You really have surpassed yourself with this serum, my dear Destro."-The Baroness said as she removed the military uniform, revealed her skintight black suit, the Cobra emblem on its chest.

"Thank you, my dear Baroness…it's always a pleasure to hear you complementing my work… it makes it all more worthwhile"-Destro replied as he removed the mask and uniform, revealing his steel cold visage, and his black and red uniform. Behind him, the standing soldiers removed their uniform, only to reveal the armor of Destro's own personal guard, the Iron Grenadiers.

"You lovebirds done flirting? I want to finish this soon and get back to bas before Cobra Commander notices my absence"-One of the soldiers said as he removed his armor, revealing a helmet wearing man with dark huge goggles, who wore a blue jumpsuit with several pocket lines and utility belts.

"Scrap Iron, Cobra Commander is well aware of your involvement in this operation…you just had to be…concealed from others, just as a precaution…Cobra isn't taking any risks this year"-Destro replied, in a cunning tone.

"Well, that's some news…besides, I can see why you had to sneak me in this mission, I mean, that's some armored door we talking about! Those keycards and this clown's retinal ID better work, because I ain't sure that my skill can open THAT!"-Scrap Iron said with a clear admiration for the door. He doubted himself, which meant this door truly was unlike anything in the world.

"Let's hope you are right, then"-The Baroness coldly replied, as made a notion for the Iron Grenadiers to move the commanding officer towards the retinal scanner, an order they quickly complied to.

"So, any clue whatsoever about what's inside? Flying saucers? Aliens? The Ark of the Covenant?"-Scrap Iron asked, as the Iron Grenadiers began to insert the keycards in place, along with placing the officer's face in the retinal scanner.

"Please, Scrap Iron…what lies within this vault is far more valuable to Cobra. According to our data so far, this vault houses the one defense project the Unites States military deemed, "too dangerous", Project U.L.T.R.O.N. Nobody knows what it is, except that it was developed by some teenager genius whose name we couldn't discover…all we know is that it is a weapon Cobra must obtain"-Destro said, when the sound of the massive door beginning to open interrupted him, as did a brief, blinding light.

"What is the meaning of this?"-The Baroness uttered in shock.

"Well, now that's something I didn't expect"-Scrap Iron added.

The vault was seemingly empty, its cold white walls and floor giving it some sort of blinding effect…which was enhanced by the sheer size of the room. It was as big as a sports field.

"It's impossible! Our sources were completely accurate, something HAS to be here!"-Destro snapped, losing his temper.

"And here's another triumph for Cobra, ladies and gentlemen! The world's emptiest room, and its all ours!...Destro, you sure blew it this tim—AGHHH!"-Scrap Iron didn't finish his wisecracking as he seemingly tripped on something and fell face first on the floor.

"What the…Destro, come here, quickly!"-The Baroness yelled as she checked the ground were Scrap Iron had tripped. With extreme precaution, she lifted a small metal box, nearly the same size of a box of matches.

"This must be some sick joke…Oh, for the blood of my ancestors!"-Destro said in awe as he opened the box, and with delicate fingers, took out what seemed to be a small computer chip enclosed in a clear plastic holder.

"A computer chip? Such security for something so common?"-The Baroness asked.

"Baroness, my dear, this chip, as the enhanced vision and analyzing tools built inside my mask so far tells me…its beyond anything I've seen…its just…perfect"-Destro said in sheer awe, bliss across his every feature.

"You have got to be kidding me! It's just a stupid chip! Why would a chip be "too dangerous" in the first place-Scrap Iron fumed as he got up.

"That is what I intend to find out…the gas our troops above used to knock out the whole base will wear it in a few hours, anyway. I want this chip to be transported to a safe location at once!"-Destro said as he gave the chip to one of his men.

"A safe location? I guess the main Cobra base is out of the list then"-Scrap Iron smirked.

"He has a point there, Destro"-The Baroness acknowledged.

"Yes…take it to the M.A.R.S Corporation research facility in Slorenia, and give orders to everyone in the place to work on finding out what this chip is for at once!"-Destro ordered as they all began to leave.

"Slorenia? That pitiful small nation in the Baltic area?"-The Baroness asked.

"Yes, the research center there is one of my best…it also houses most of our nanotech research, my dear"-Destro replied.

"It will be in good hands then…I just hope it's worth the investment…Scrap Iron, what are you doing standing still?"-The Baroness snapped, as Scrap Iron stood in the middle of the room like a statue.

"What? Sorry, I just…could swore I heard some sort of laughing hiss back there"-Scrap Iron replied as he returned to the group.

"It's called paranoia, young man…it's a rather healthy thing to develop, when you are a member of Cobra"-Destro smirked as they all left.

Inside its silicon prison, something evil and cruel beyond humanity laid dormant, saving itself for awakening.

6

Meanwhile, in Ultima Base…

Captain America stood in the middle of a battlefield, in which android troopers, huge robots and massive tanks moving around the ruined city…however, these machines designed for combat were not attacking…in fact, they were retreating.

"Come on, those metallic wusses are chickening on us already? That lasted just as long as the "Hulk" simulation!"-Carol (who wore combat uniform, just like everyone else) said as she threw a tank turret over her shoulder…it went right thought the only undamaged building in the whole area, an hospital, to be exact.

"I've battled ice giants and sea serpents back in Midgard…verily these mechanic opponents cannot compare to them!"-Thor said. He was sitting on a huge pile of robot parts.

"I agree...my energy reserves are still at 70!"-Iron-Man added. He was sitting on top of another pile of robot parts; slightly less big than the one Thor was sat upon.

"Tigra got fifty this time! Tigra broke Clint's record!"-Tigra giggled excitedly; as she played with a pile of android heads she had apparently been collecting from each of her opponents.

"You just were lucky this time, Furball! If Janet hadn't taken my forty nine kill from me…"-Hawkeye moaned as he kicked an android's head around.

"Come on, Clint! The damn thing was behind your back and about to fry your butt! There is no way you could have killed it on time! Besides, my sting blast just stunned it for a while; Mr. Subtlety here finished the job!"-Wasp (in her human size) replied in an annoyed tone of voice, as she pointed at a huge metallic armored boot behind her and Clint.

"Please, Jan! I wasn't even close to step on you! You know I hate having to scrape stuff from my armor!"-Ant-man said from above, as he lifted his foot several feet above the rest of the team…a crushed android trooper was stuck on the sole of his boot.

"You missed by a couple of inches, Hank, you moron!"-Janet snapped back.

Captain America sighed, and looked up, to the sky, where an inverted dome shaped structure could be seen.

"Agent Sitwell, please terminate the sequence…I don't think I will able to handle another one today"-Captain America said…immediately, everything faded, revealing the huge metal plated room were the battlefield once was. Thor and Iron-man landed on the ground softly, after the piles they were sat on disappeared as well.

"You know, I just marvel every time that happens"-Wasp said.

"Really?"-Ant-man said in a hopeful tone.

"Yeah…for about a second, because I remember why you developed this "solid hologram" technology in the first place!"-Wasp snapped as she shrunk down and flew out of the room through a huge door that sprung open on the front side.

"Say, Hank, you still have the schematics for making a Lindsay/Hillary routine for this place?"-Iron-man asked, as he removed his helmet.

"I wish…Cap forced me to give the data to him"-Ant-man sighed as he shrunk down and removed his helmet as well.

"Captain, you are certainly too rigid on my companions. I remember when my father took me to the Valkyries training grounds when I was a small lad…ah, the memories"-Thor said with a dreamy look on his mind.

"Guys, I don't care how crazy he is, but he has to take us to this "Asgard" place for spring break"-Hawkeye added as he took his mask off.

"Cap! The boys are talking dirty stuff again!"-Tigra yelled as she waved at Captain America…who had already left the room.

"Oh, poopie!"-Tigra pouted.

"Don't worry, fuzzy…I'll teach these boys some manners"-Warbird said with an evil grin as she slapped her fist on an open palm, a sound that caused the boys to make a quick run for the door.

Above, on the dome shaped structure…

"Cap, your boys really broke the records this time!"-Fury said with his sarcasm on full drive.

"Please…anything but he numbers…just don't give me the numbers"-Captain America moaned as he dropped on a chair.

"Agent Sitwell, if you please do the honors…"-Fury said, a sadistic grin on his face.

"Okay, enemy casualties…87, Sir"-the blonde agent with a clean haircut and glasses, who sat on the room main controls said.

"Well, that's up from last session…"-Captain America said, hope clinging to his voice.

"So are the civilian casualties…uhm, its 68 this time! I win the poll this time, guys!"-Agent Sitwell said as he started collecting money from the other agents in the room.

"I knew I shouldn't have bet on 70!"-Fury groaned as he handed Sitwell a few dollar bills.

"Well, Sir, You really didn't took the friendly fire factor in account…I was about to lose, but Warbird elevated the casualty ratio about 2 with that tank turret she threw on the hospital…that also elevated the amount of damage to property to 83"-Agent Sitwell smirked.

"Please…make it stop…what could make this worse?"-Captain America moaned as he dropped on a chair.

"Me…Agent Drew reporting, Sir"-A black haired woman in uniform said as she entered the room and saluted Fury. She seemed extremely rigid and…attractive at the same time to everyone in the room but Captain America and Fury. He was quite beautiful, despite her rigid looks, which enhanced the effect she had on everyone.

"Captain America, meet Jessica Drew, the "Avengers" handling officer…since the team still has a lot to do until it goes public, she will be in charge of the team itself as an…advisor"-Fury said.

"I will begin right now, Sir. First, these teenagers are not a fighting unit, as the overall results of training sessions so far show, so we will begin single, one on one training sessions for each one. Captain, I suggest you start with Warbird, Hawkeye and Tigra first…"-Jessica said.

"Wait a minute…you want me to train alone with just one of these kids every day? The time schedule…"-Captain America tried to say, but Jessica interrupted him immediately.

"The schedule will be drastically altered…you will have this solo training sessions so you get to train and know each member of this so called unit better. I will be on charge of psychiatric evaluations for those members immediately after their training sessions. These kids are a work in progress, Captain…and we will make them into diamonds in time"-Jessica said with a severe tone.

"Pressure makes diamonds…makes sense to me"-Fury said.

"Speaking of pressure…my blood pressure just went up"-Captain America moaned as he continued to drop on his chair.

End of Chapter Three

**Next: Its Training/Evaluation time, round one! Carol, Clint and Gre—I mean, Tigra, show both Cap and Agent Drew that if these kids in particular are the future, humanity may be already doomed!**

**Meanwhile, Cobra keeps trying to unlock the secret of the mysterious chip.**

**Now, trivia time: Guess from were the characters of Jessica Drew and Agent Sitwell originally come from…a hint: if you have been following comics lately, you may already know!**

**Don't forget to keep those comments and suggestions coming!**


	4. “Training days: Round one”

X-men: Evolution: "The Mightiest assemble!" An original fan fiction based on the Misfits Universe (Thanks for Red Witch for letting me use her universe, if you haven't checked her stuff…well, you wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't already!)

Legal Notice: I don't own X-men Evolution (if I did, it would be on the air right now), or GI-Joe, or "Avengers", and I don't own the Misfit's Universe series of fan fiction work either. Once again, thanks to Red Witch for allowing me to use her wonderful universe…this time to pay tribute to earth's (and comic's)mightiest heroes.

Chapter Four: "Training days: Round one"

Ultima Base…the transportation room.

Captain America tapped his foot on the ground, as the anxiety was already taking its toll on him. Since we are talking about someone who fought in World War Two, was frozen for decades, then reawakened in the current times to find out everything and everyone he knew was either gone, old or out of fashion, the term "anxiety" doesn't make much justice here.

"Just one minute for the training to began…"-Captain America thought, taking comfort with the thought that at least Agent Drew allowed him to start with Tigra, who given her innocence and naive ness, shouldn't be much of a problem.

"I mean, Tigra rarely causes any trouble…"-Captain America was interrupted in his thinking by the loudest wailing he had heard in his entire life…and by the sound of it, it was rapidly approaching.

The doors to the room opened, and Tigra ran inside, her wailing reverberating across the massive room, enhancing the already deafening scream.

She was covered head to toe in a white, powdered substance…

"WAHHHHH! CAP! THEY WERE MEAN TO ME!"-Tigra screamed in tears as she stopped in front of Captain America, her crying face just below his own.

"Who, What? Where?"-Captain America asked, the foul smell of the powder and the scream giving him a rapidly increasing headache.

"EVERYONE! THEY SAID I WAS GETTING FLEAS EVERYWHERE, SO THEY GRABBED AND THREW ME IN A BATHTUB FULL OF FLEA KILLING LIQUID, THEN DROPPED A SACK OF POWDER ON ME!"-Tigra wailed as she screamed.

"Look, Tigra, I'll make sure they pay for this, but…"-Captain America suddenly noticed that not only the rest of the team had entered the room, but that Tigra had suddenly become very quiet…and her left eye was twitching.

"Hey, Cap, sorry bout that, but the squirt had it coming…"-Warbird was interrupted as Tigra pounced on her so fast no one was able to even see her. Her eyes were injected in blood, and she was hissing like a wild beast.

"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!"-Tigra screamed as she started to shred Warbird's clothes furiously, screaming in and endless loop.

"Get her off me! Get her off me!"-Warbird yelled, as Thor and Iron-man tried to pull Tigra from her, something they not so easily achieved.

"God, what's gotten into her?"-Hawkeye asked, while Wasp helped Warbird cover herself, as her uniform was practically a bikini now.

"Hell I know! I can barely hold on her!"-Iron Man screamed, as Tigra's savage swapping of claws was already making dents and scratches in his armor.

"Even the Berserkers of Asgard would run in fear of her!"-Thor added…part of his uniform was also torn already.

Before anyone could do anything, Captain America smacked Tigra right in the back of her head with an open palm, knocking her out cold.

"Hardcore, Cap"-Hawkeye said…but he was silenced along with the others because of the look in Captain America's face.

"You nitwits! Tigra is a genetically designed assassin unit developed by Cobra! How could you do that to her? Subjecting her to such a traumatic experience made her return to her programmed personality! I can't believe all of you were irresponsible and stupid enough to do such a thing!"-Captain America yelled.

Everyone's silence was his answer…

"Now, leave! I'll talk with Fury and determine your punishment later!"-He added, causing everyone to leave the room in seconds.

Captain America sighed as he stared at the unconscious Tigra…the look in her face had returned to her innocent, normal self.

"What the hell is wrong with the present?"-Captain America moaned.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Moments (and a quick shower) later…

"Tigra ready for practice, Cap!"-Tigra cheerfully giggled as she entered the room again in a huge twirling jump.

"Okay…glad to see some spirit around here. You sure you don't want to skip training? I mean, because of the incident earlier?"-Captain America asked.

"What incident?"-Tigra blinked at him.

"Nothing, forget it…"-Captain America replied, as he remembered that Tigra's memory was engineered to forget anything she did while she was berserk…some sick way to make her unable to be responsible for her actions. His stomach turned in disgust at such manipulation of people.

"Look, we will start with a simple combat routine…your objective is to bring me do…"-Before he could even finish, Tigra pounced on him.

"Yay! I win!"-Tigra squealed in delight as she made several victory stances.

"Tigra, you have to wait until the actual session starts!"-Captain America retorted as he got up, and pressed a button in the side of his helmet.

"Agent Sitwell, please transport us to the location"-He spoke into his built in transmitter…immediately, the whole room twirled around, and they both disappeared, only to reappear on an abandoned offshore oil rig complex, composed of several different drilling platforms. Certainly having a teleportation system had its perks.

"EEEEK! There's water everywhere!"-Tigra shrieked in panic.

"Well, the session will also deal with your phobia of water…now, the objective is to drop me down…on the floor, not off the platform, while using the environment to your advantage…I'll give you a moment to get familiar with the place, and then we will start, okay?"-Captain America said.

"Okey dokey!"-Tigra replied cheerfully as she disappeared inside the complex maze of pipes and machinery.

"Relax, Steve…she's just a little cat girl afraid of water in an oil rig in the middle of the ocean…you have the main advantage here"-Captain America thought.

Several minutes later…

Captain America had already checked the whole perimeter twice and no sign of Tigra whatsoever so far. He felt not only proud of the girl, but also slightly worried that she had more potential than he had thought. Because of that he brandished his shield, ready for a surprise attack.

He turned around when a rattling sound caught his attention, and turned, only to see an empty barrel which lid had fallen of place.

"Relax, relax…she's just taking her tim…-Captain America didn't even finished that sentence, as he stepped on a large, long trail of oil that was all over the corridor.

"ARRRRRGGHHHH!"-Captain America yelled in terror as he slipped forward at breakneck speed, effectively exiting the corridor and the facility as well…as the oil spill went all the way to the very edge of the platform…he was in sheer terror, which transformed into horror as he heard the loud, long yell of excitement coming from behind.

"HERE I COME!"-Tigra screamed with delight as she swung from a crane's cable, heading directly at Captain America…

"She set a trap! She actually set a trap!"-Captain America managed to think as Tigra gave him a push with both her legs in the back, increasing his already too fast speed of slipping.

"NOOOOOO!"-Captain America yelled as he got lost in the horizon, while Tigra jumped down from the cable, landing gracefully.

"I did it! I did it! I…"-Tigra's celebration dance was interrupted as she noticed that Captain America had slipped of the edge of the platform…and then plummeted downwards with a long yell.

"Oh, Poopie!"-Tigra moaned as she ran forward, not thinking twice.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Moments later…

Captain America woke up, only to find Tigra's gleaming yellow eyes staring at him.

"Cap, you ok?"-Tigra asked with an expression of worry ness in her face.

"I'm fine, I'm fine…that was…quite an unorthodox way of taking on the enemy, but effective nonetheless…you passed. By the way, where is that smell of wet dead cat coming from?"-He asked, when he noticed that Tigra was completely soaked, head to toes.

"She jumped down and brought you back up, all on her own, Cap. I got transported to see why you two were taking so long, as it was my turn, and I found Tigra climbing up with you on her back"-Warbird said. She was standing next to him.

"Really? I can't believe you did that!"-Captain America said in awe, which caused Tigra to blush and smile.

"Well, its time for fuzzy here to report back…and get a towel. I'm up"-Warbird said into the COM link built on the wrist of her uniform. Tigra disappeared as she was transported back.

There was moment of silence…

"Okay, drop the act…you played possum on her to see if she would overcome her fears, right?"-Warbird asked.

"I think I did a good job of it…Tigra needed to be put in that situation, although her…ambushing techniques proved quite effective"-Captain America replied with smirk.

"Yeah, Yeah…well, I'm a grown girl, so don't even think of pulling that trick on me"-Warbird threatened.

"Don't worry, Warbird…this will take care of your particular problem"-Captain America said as he opened a nearby military case, revealing an advanced missile launcher.

"I'm invulnerable, old man…who's that gonna help me?"-Warbird retorted in disbelief.

"You might be invulnerable, but environments and civilians aren't…so, your objective is to prevent me from blowing up this place…if you lose, you'll be revoked of use of the entertainment room for a week."-Captain America said.

"WHAT? That is totally unfair, I mean, I'm supposed to act as weapon, right? I don't have to care about stupid civilians in the first place!"-Warbird yelled.

"No, you are supposed to act like a soldier…and that means not risking the life of your teammates and civilians...now, heads up!"-Captain America said as he pulled the trigger, a rocket heading straight towards a near drilling platform.

"What?"-Warbird exclaimed as he instinctively dodged it, and the missile hit its target.

"Strike one! Here comes ball two!"-Captain America said a he fired again, this time towards a farther platform

Warbird flew as fast as she could behind it, but reached it just at it reached its target…

"AGGHHHH!"-Warbird yelled as the shockwave of the explosion send her off course, but managed to recover in a few seconds.

"Strike two, here comes the last one!"-Captain America smiled as he fired the last rocket…

However, his smile faded away as Warbird grabbed the rocked with one hand…her face was contorted with rage.

"Here's strike three, you jackass!"-Warbird yelled as she threw the missile back at him…realizing what she had just done as the missile crashed a few feet away from captain America, knocking out cold...and severely damaging the main support pillar of the platform, which began to fall.

"NO!"-Warbird screamed in fear as she flew below the platform, and pressed her back against the section were the pillar was.

She clenched her teeth as the sheer weight of the structure dawned on her…she wasn't sure what her limits were, but she was sure she wasn't strong enough for this. As if confirming her self doubts, the platform began to swerve down, and the pressure was now becoming more and more painful.

"Ahhh, crap, crap, crap! Why the hell did I do that?"-Warbird moaned, when she saw some machinery and barrels fall down the sinking side…it dawned on her that the next thing to fall over could be…

"NOT A CHANCE IN HELL, YOU OVERWEIGHT OIL SUCKING BASTARD!"-Warbird yelled as she pushed upwards, screaming…the platform screeched as the metal began to bend over under such force, effectively shifting the weight on the remaining pillars.

"There…knew this was nothing…for…me"-Warbird grinned, as she felt her strength fading, and for an instant, began to fall down…but her fall was cut short as something grabbed her hand through a hole.

Warbird stared up, and briefly smiled when she saw Captain America holding her…

"Mission accomplished, soldier!"-Captain America said, as everything blacked out for her.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&6

Minutes later…

"You had all this already planned out, didn't you?"-Warbird said. She was sitting on a barrel, next to Captain America.

"Pretty much…I needed you to realize that no matter what, the life of innocents always come first, Carol…even before your teammates or yourself"-Captain America replied.

"Couldn't you just give me a lecture or something, flagboy?"-Warbird replied.

"I thought about it, but…would you have even listened?"-Captain America retorted.

"Good point…still, if you pull something like this again…I swear, you are going to learn a new place to keep your shield on"-Warbird said.

There was a moment of silence….

"That was a joke, right?"-Captain America finally said.

"Depends if you believed it or not…I'm heading home, and see that Clint gets sent over….one more thing, Captain"-Warbird said as she stood up.

"Yes?"-Captain America asked.

"Thanks…and if you ever tell anyone that I said that, that thing earlier will NOT end up being a joke after all"-Warbird said with a wicked smile as she teleported.

"Young people…"-Captain America said as he smiled. However, he got up on his feet as the humming and the glow of energy returned.

"Okay, what complicated plan for teaching me a lesson in life do you have reserved for poor Hawkeye?"-Hawkeye mocked as he stepped forward, his bow already in his hands.

"None"-Captain America plainly stated.

"What?"-Hawkeye said, completely caught off guard.

"That simple…you are extremely skilled and a superb soldier, as if it came naturally to you. Sot here is nothing I can teach you, Clint, as the sole thing you lack is something that cannot be taught"-Captain America said.

"Come on! What could I possibly be missing?"-Hawkeye asked.

"Common sense. You see war as another carnival stunt or heist, just a way to prove yourself…and that way of thinking is exactly what one day will end up costing your, or worse, someone else his life. Want to be better? Then learn to accept reality and being part of team, Clint. I'm leaving"-Captain America said as he pressed some buttons on his comm. device.

"This is so lame! I had to get up early and sent to the middle of nowhere, and I'm not even getting any action?"-Hawkeye snapped.

"Oh, you are getting action all right!"-Captain America grinned as he snatched Hawkeye's comm. device from his wrist…just as several weapon turrets popped all around the facility.

"What the heck?"-Hawkeye exclaimed.

"Don't worry, these are just loaded with paintballs…enjoy your three hour personal training session"-Captain America said with a grin as he disappeared.

Hawkeye gulped as every turret pointed at his current location…

"And I thought that speech was bad…"-He moaned as he pulled out an arrow.

**End of chapter four.**

**Next: It's the mandatory group therapy session, as its time for Agent Drew to get tortured, psychology style!**

**After that, its Ultron unleashed, and the Avengers realize just how deadly being super-heroes can be!**


	5. “Group therapy means we all suffer as a ...

X-men: Evolution: "The Mightiest assemble!" An original fan fiction based on the Misfits Universe (Thanks for Red Witch for letting me use her universe, if you haven't checked her stuff…well, you wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't already!)

Legal Notice: I don't own X-men Evolution (if I did, it would be on the air right now), or GI-Joe, or "Avengers", and I don't own the Misfit's Universe series of fan fiction work either. Once again, thanks to Red Witch for allowing me to use her wonderful universe…this time to pay tribute to earth's (and comic's)mightiest heroes.

Chapter Five: "Group therapy means we all suffer as a team"

Somewhere inside Ultima Base…

"Okay you little nightmares that come along with the American dream soldier…we all wish we were on a less tense location, like the Balkans or Afghanistan right now, but this is part of trying to make this team at least PR friendly"-Agent Drew (First name Jessica, but since she was rather stuck up and tightly winded, no one called her that) said as she looked around the huge training room.

All the members from the "Avengers" project were sat in chairs in a circle like order, except for Captain America, who had somehow managed to get sent on a solo mission deep in the Middle East…Jessica suspected Cap had bribed Fury into sending him just to get away from the group therapy session, leaving her all alone.

It was also downing on Agent Drew that maybe making costume and codename use mandatory to the session may had been a rather bad idea.

"PR friendly? With Miss Psycho over there?"-Hawkeye said as he pointed his finger at Warbird…who was using a metal chair as a stress device, crushing it into a small ball of compacted metal.

"Shut it, you carnie reject, unless you want to become my new "stress relief" device!"-Warbird snapped back, as she threw the ball of metal towards Clint, who dodged it with a smooth movement of his head…the fact that the ball had buried itself deep into the metal wall behind him was completely ignored by everyone.

"Is there a hidden meaning to that sentence?"-Hawkeye smirked.

"You pig! Its all ego and libido inside that fat head of yours, isn't it?"-Wasp said in disgust.

"Not really, I mean, these two DO fight all the time like a married couple…"- Iron-Man added.

"Or an engaged couple…"-Ant Man coughed.

"Did you say something?"-Wasp glared at him.

"Nothing, I was just thinking out loud about what a lucky man I am to be engaged to such a fine and noble woman as you"-Ant Man lied in the worst way possible to man.

"Wow…even Tigra was able to figure out that lie!"-Tigra chuckled…she seemed to be the only one enjoying this.

"If my half brother Loki and I weren't in such bad terms, I would as him to give you lessons in the arts of deceiving and trickery, my friend! You could use such training to deal with your bride to be!"-Thor bellowed.

"Thor, I swear that if you use the phrase "bride to be" one more time, I WILL shrink to wasp size and deliver a bio sting to that small brain of yours from the inside of your thick head!"-Wasp threatened.

"SHUT IT ALREADY, YOU INMATURE FREAKS!"-Jessica exploded in one single shout that left everyone cold on their seats.

"Look, how about we make an honest, sincere attempt at taking this session seriously, for once? Is that too much to ask?...lets start with last week's assignment, "Compliment a random member of the team"…you all took a card with the name of a teammate, now I want each of you to compliment that person in an honest and mature way…Tigra, you first"-Jessica calmly said as she sat down and looked at the young cat-girl in hopes of a sane start for the session…the fact that Tigra was her only logical choice for such goal to be accomplished was depressing beyond words.

"Yay! I got Wasp…"Wasp, I think it's really cute how you keep standing by Ant-Man's side all the time, like a good life mate. Ant-Man is lucky to have such a strong and caring female at his side"-Tigra read out loud from a card.

It took a whole silent minute for everyone to realize Tigra actually wasn't kidding…

"Oh boy…she really does see the world in a pink light, does she?"-Warbird asked.

"With sugar, spice and everything nice on top, too!"-Hawkeye added.

"Tigra…I don't know if I'm going to cry or laugh…"-Wasp said, her face red with both embarrassment and the effort of containing several emotions…and possibly some hurling.

"I think I'll go for crying…"-Ant-Man whispered.

"I also wrote about how I think you two will have a lovely sling of kids when you get married and all that, and live in a big house with lots of wasps and ants for the kids to play with! I even drew a picture!"-Tigra chirped as she took out a huge sheet of paper were a crude series of drawings of toddler level artistic quality showcased a wedding, a picnic, watching TV and several other activities neither of the subjects pictured would do, even with small crudely drawn children.

"I think I'm going to be violently ill…."-Wasp said as her face became green and she hurried outside in a rush.

"Okay Tigra…that was quite nice of you to do, I think"-Jessica said, trying hard not to notice that Ant-man seemed to be even more miserable and depressed than usual.

"Wheee! Do I get a star?"-Tigra asked.

"She's going to get something alright…"-Warbird moaned.

"Silence! Okay, how about you, Warbird…Id like to believe you can actually say something nice about someone"-Jessica said.

"Sorry, but I got Hawkeye…anyone else I could had just lied, but carnie-boy here annoys me on an existential level"-Warbird said.

"What a coincidence, I got your name…and unlike some Hot Topic sell out, I actually came up with something!"-Hawkeye snapped back.

"Hawkeye…please tell me you have a compliment for her"-Jessica moaned as she buried her face between her hands.

"I do…ehem: Warbird, I always thought you were always in a bad mood and violent about everything…however, after seeing you on a PMS rampage like the one last week, I actually praise the heavens for your normal self being the way it is"-Hawkeye read from his card.

Jessica nearly passed out of sheer horror as she watched Warbird chasing Hawkeye around the room even with Thor, Iron-Man and Tigra trying to hold her down, with barely enough effect on the berserk girl to give Hawkeye an advantage.

"Agent Drew, is this a good moment to mention I got Wasp?...Agent Drew, are you crying?"-Ant-man asked.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Several minutes and much destructive bickering later…

"Well, that went as awfully wrong as I feared, so we'll skip everyone else and do the second part of the session"-Jessica sighed as she ignored the SHIELD agents carrying out the debris and broken equipment outside. The group was again sat in a circular fashion, except for two people who were sat in the middle space.

"Agent Drew…why is it that Thor and I are sat here…while TIED BACK TO BACK ON THESE FREAKING CHAIRS?"-Iron-Man yelled, as both he and Thor were tied with several chains and restraining equipment to said chairs.

"I agree! The god of Thunder did certainly not come to Midgard to be treated like a common cur!"-Thor yelled in anger, surprised at the resistance of the chains.

"Indeed, the god of Thunder came to earth to just get drunk and cause more property damage than a herd of frat boys!"-Jessica yelled.

"Oh dear…this is that "intervention" thing Jarvis has been threatening me with all this week?"-Iron-Man said in cold fear.

"Oh yes…although Fury, Cap and myself agreed after you two sneaked out and trashed every bar, pub and tavern in Dublin!"-Jessica exploded in rage.

"Hey! It was St Patrick's Day! It's the sole day of the year were you can be legally drunk as a fox!"-Iron-Man snapped back.

"It was St Patrick's Day alright…for five whole days! You inebriated monsters managed to get every man and woman in Dublin to keep celebrating for 120 hours straight! Especially when you had Stark cargo planes importing beer from every Guinness brewery in the world!

"True, that was q wise decision, my friend…"-Thor chuckled.

"And you are being a total bad influence on Thor!"-Jessica added, already aware that she was the only one participating in this.

"Come on! Thor comes from a place were all they do is battle all day, then feats and get their freaks on all night, all on an endless loop! I'm just trying to make my buddy feel like he's home!"-Iron-Man replied.

There was a moment of silence, as Iron-Man was the sole member of the team that believed on Thor's divine origins, since the rest of the group wasn't going to admit that the gods were worse than mankind as a whole.

"Look, Tony…its just that you two cant control yourselves…I trust none of you has seen yourselves while drunk out of your gouts?"-Jessica smiled evilly as she pressed a button on a remote, and a screen materialized in thin air, running footage.

"Ohhhh, she's going to show them the clips from the weather channel's satellite!"-Warbird grinned.

"Tigra has popcorn for everyone!"-Tigra squealed as she passed around a huge bowl of popcorn around.

"I never get tired of this one…"-Hawkeye smirked.

"Uh-oh…I have a vague, fuzzy memory of this…"-Iron-man gulped, as the image showed a weatherman with an image of Ireland seen from outer space on the background.

"As you can see from our new and extremely expensive satellite's live feed, it looks like Ireland is having the best weather for St Patrick's day since…."-The man turned around and went pale as a strange shaped object grew larger and larger as it approached him, or better said, the satellite the video was been transmitted from…

"SWEET MERCIFUL BEEP!"-The weatherman screamed in horror as the object slammed into the camera, resulting in static.

"Let's use SHIELD's extremely high tech image enhancement technology to get a clear view of what destroyed a huge satellite worth its massive weight in thousand dollar bills, shall we?"-Jessica said as she pressed a series of buttons…the image blurred and played back, eventually setting in a rather peculiar shape…and even more familiar words above said shape…still readable while on fire.

"Admiral Nelson's Fish & Chips! They are out of this earth!"-Wasp read the words…

"Please tell me it doesn't say that, because Id hate to live in a world were such things are true…"-Ant-man moaned.

"Me too, but its true…these two drunken idiots not only stole a thankfully deserted traditional restaurant from London and brought it to Dublin to set it on fire, but they also decided to throw it into space! Are you aware of what you two actually did?"-Jessica snapped.

"Yeah, yeah, bid deal, I'll but the Weather Channel right away and cover the whole thing up…"-Iron-Man tried to say.

"That won't be necessary, as not only did Psychic division already managed to erase the memories of every single witness…"-Jessica interrupted.

"Which I heard wasn't that hard, as everyone was so drunk, they would had forgotten on their own"-Warbird added.

"…while our broadcast control team has covered everything as a joke advertising campaign, while our England crew managed to create a perfect replica of the restaurant in a few hours time"-Jessica continued.

"To the delight of the owners, who last night were on the verge of bankruptcy, and found hordes of people outside the place this morning…they already opened six other restaurants all over the city just to keep with the demand"-Hawkeye interrupted.

"What do you have to say about all this?"-Jessica demanded.

"Uh…that the god of Thunder hates the offense to food that is this "fish & chips"?"-Thor asked.

"That picking on the English for having lousy food is wrong?"-Iron-Man asked.

"That this therapy session only further traumatized me?"-Wasp added.

"That Miss Drew owes Tigra a star?"-Tigra pitched in.

"That my life sucks?"-Ant-Man moaned

"That this could all may had been avoided if you just allowed us to have fun once in a while?"-Hawkeye interrupted.

"That you probably are wishing you hadn't started this session at all and wished you were dead?"-Warbird finished.

"I don't know what makes me more depressed and desperate…the fact that you are all right or that I agree with you on all of those!"-Jessica moaned as dropped to her knees...and realized someone was pulling at her uniform…and came face to face with Tigra.

"So can Tigra have her star now?"-Tigra asked

It was at this point that Agent Jessica Drew burst out in tears…

**End of chapter five.**

**Next: Cobra finds out what U.L.T.R.O.N is…and faces the terrible consequences!**


End file.
